I will never forget the day the doctor called me to tell me I have cancer. I was devastated, I was scared, I was angry. Why me? Why now? I thought I had everything at 24 years old and within a 4 minute phone call I felt like my world crumbled around me. I couldn’t understand why God would let this happen to me and I honestly still don’t have a great answer as to why I have cancer but, as terrible and hard my diagnosis has been some beautiful things have come to fruition because of it.
I was weary in my spirit before my diagnosis, I kept getting caught up with things of the world. I was constantly drained spiritually, I wasn’t making time for God anymore like I had done before. I felt like I had put God on the back burner and didn’t know how to make Him my number one priority again. I was struggling with salvation amongst other things. I felt like I was going through the motions everyday, I felt distant from my creator, I had an emptiness in me that longed for a deeper connection with my heavenly Father.
The days following my diagnosis I looked to others for comfort and consolation but, no one could help me through my grief. I had no where else to turn, I knew I needed Him, I knew no one could comfort me the way my Father could. I prayed while sobbing uncontrollably, I felt Him surround me, an overwhelming intense wave of relief and comfort came over me. It took my breath away. I was reminded that He is the near the broken in spirit, and He has been with me ever since the beginning.
Cancer has given me the opportunity to lean on God like I never would have been able to before. I have never been able to be so fully immersed and engulfed by His love before. I was always so caught up in the day to day and worldly things to give everything I have to God. Cancer gave me no choice but to give it all to God. Even though cancer is such a terrible diagnosis, God has brought something beautiful out of it. How faithful is our God that even the worst diagnosis can become a blessing?
I’m amazed by God. I’m amazed at how much He truly loves me. It’s more than I ever could have imagined. It overwhelms me everyday in the best way possible. There is no way I would ever be able to go through this without Him. He has opened my eyes to all his beautiful creations around me, He has given me grace for myself and others, He has set me free from my shame and trauma. God used what was intended to hurt me to help me, He lifted the veil from my eyes and brought me closer to HIm. What better gift than to have fellowship with Christ?
My prayer is that whoever is reading this is able to experience the gift of true unconditional love. The kind of love we don’t have here on earth, love we can only receive from such a loving God that He gave His only son to save us all. I pray that you would trade a thousand days elsewhere for one day in Gods presence. I pray that you would give everything you have to God, the shame, the heartbreak, and all the things of the world. He will lift you and place His hand of comfort and love upon you. I pray that you will be content no matter the circumstances because your joy comes from the Lord and the Lord only. I pray that no matter what obstacles you are facing in life right now, it will be well with your soul and you can praise God even in the midst of the storm.